


Enjoy this solo performance of a song I wrote called “Your Deep Dark Eyes” from December 2018 just as I was beginning to re-open the door to my first gift and passion of connection through music.
I recorded this short video a few days ago after coming across an article I wrote several years ago where I expressed a painful truth we all must (as artists, hustlers and entrepreneurs) learn and even embrace: not everyone is going to understand respect or support our journeys. Hopefully, you are already surrounded by love and support and this doesn’t relate to you; for anyone who is confronting challenges – especially during the early phases of your career (or career shift) or when you encounter challenges along the way, this video is dedicated to you.
As a singer-songwriter of nearly 20 years, I deeply understand the difficulties that may come up and am happy to share my insights, thoughts and advice. This talk is just the beginning of a much longer conversation. Enjoy! As always, your feedback and comments are welcome by clicking here.
A few nights ago I shared a heartfelt reminder about the importance of expressing and experiencing connection and compassion in our daily lives. Although most of us know this already, in our hectic lives sometimes we lose touch with this.
In this short video I also confesses to a doing something not so high-vibing and how I’ve been working on myself to keep my heart and mind open even when it’s extremely challenging and upsetting. In order to be our best selves and to live in a peaceful thriving world each of us needs to resist shutting down when we feel inclined to and to return to our natural state of love; to give space to those with whom we don’t agree and to make an extra effort to understand each other.
If this resonates with you, you would might appreciate my new weekly podcast, Heartfirst with Jess King. Feel free to check it out on this website and to follow for weekly updates on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2GYN3oi Apple podcasts: https://apple.co/2GYn8g6 Google podcasts: https://bit.ly/2NJFD8U Sticher: https://bit.ly/2VAOiNC
Passionate artist and fitness entrepreneur Jess King shares a few personal self-care tips on the importance of tuning in and trusting ourselves first. www.jessking.com instagram @jesskingofficial facebook @jesskingofficial twitter @jesskingmusic
A few words about TNL 58′ (The Next Level), a heart-first HIIT workout designed to empower the heart, body and mind. Developed by passionate artist, coach and athlete Jess King. (@jesskingofficial) YOUTUBE page: www.youtube.com/jessking TNL 58′ launched October 2016 in Paris. For more info & schedule updates (currently 7 classes offered per week) email jessking@tnl58.com or visit www.tnl58.com
It’s no secret that some of the most successful, happy and admirable people we know are those who don’t seem to give a f*ck. You know the type: the woman who unapologetically shares her opinion regardless of its popularity or who boldly leaves an unfulfilling job (and tells the boss where to go); or the man who makes a drastic and unexpected life change simply because it feels right to him. Too often, giving a f*ck gets in the way of our goals and limits our personal growth and happiness. By increasing our self-awareness and being more intentional about what and whom we take to heart, we can take our wellbeing to the next level.
We are each wired differently and have unique triggers in terms of what does and doesn’t affect us. For instance, I never really gave a f*ck about others’ opinions regarding my decision to pursue music professionally; even when my family was initially unsupportive, my passion and self-confidence always won out. Meanwhile, I’ve given way too many f*cks about others’ perceptions of me in business situations throughout my career and this has held me back. My point in sharing this is that we are all works in progress and it’s never too late to improve ourselves and our lives.
As Robin Sharma, author of the awesomely inspirational fable The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, points out,”What you focus on grows, what you think about expands and what you dwell upon determines your destiny.” Deciding to care less about things and people who drain your energy will uplift and empower you in beautiful ways. I use the verb decide because it’s ultimately a choice whether or not you give a f*ck. It’s similar to when you have a negative thought; you can allow yourself to dwell on it, in which case its power will grow, or you can decide to intentionally let it go and move forward. As someone highly sensitive, believe me – I know this can be challenging – but I can share from personal experience that conscious effort works.
4 Reasons Why You Must Give Zero F*cks:
1/ It means owning who you are. It doesn’t mean you don’t care; it just means you’re willing to accept that the consequences of your actions or words may not be greeted with nods and smiles. It’s about embracing your difference.
2/ People think about you much less than you realize. It’s exhausting to be concerned about what others think of you. The truth is, while we worry about others judging us, those same people are usually worried about us judging them. (What a waste of energy.)
3/ Not everyone is going to like you (even if you give every f*ck in the world). You already know this, but a reminder can’t hurt. No matter what you say or do, some people out there are not going to like you. And that’s totally okay.
4/ It’s about freedom and independence. Once you’ve relieved yourself of the weight of giving a f*ck, you can finally be an active participant in your life rather than a spectator, debating and waiting to make your next moves. Your authentic (and kickass) life awaits.
* Song For This Moment: “I Love It” by Icona Pop.
The other day I caught myself just before it rolled off the tip of my tongue. Where I would normally have opened with ‘I’m sorry, but’ — this time I left that part out and simply explained to a potential client that my fee is non-negotiable. And it worked. By being direct and showing my true confident self, I gained a client and likely earned his respect. Like many others (and women in particular), I’m personally guilty of over-apologizing – it’s even become a reflex. Sometimes we apologize when we feel uncomfortable asking for something or to avoid being perceived as rude (even when our perception of impolite is way off base). Why on earth would anyone apologize for stating their fee, right? Ridiculous.
The subject of over-apologizing has gotten a lot of attention recently, and with good reason. As a New York Times Op-Ed article points out, the word ‘sorry’ is taking up too much airtime in our lives. Saying it too often and unnecessarily has a negative impact on self-esteem and can cause a lot of miscommunication and confusion. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth checking out Amy Schumer’s quick comedy sketch about successful women over-apologizing – it’s disturbing, yet eye-opening.
If you’re someone who naturally gives opinions openly and without apology, I applaud you. But if you find yourself saying, ‘I’m sorry’ too often, it’s worth working on. The best part: with just a little bit of effort, positive results are pretty much guaranteed. Through increased awareness and continual practice, you can drastically improve how you communicate with others and noticeably boost how you feel about yourself.
3 Tips to Help Kick the Habit:
1/ Ask yourself if you’re truly sorry and why. If you can’t answer this one in a heartbeat, you probably shouldn’t be apologizing. If you’re saying ‘sorry’ out of habit or to avoid awkwardness: stop. You’re diminishing your strength. There should always be a clear reason.
2/ Are you responsible for what you’re apologizing for? Be sure you’re not saying ‘sorry’ for something that’s not actually your fault.
3/ Remember “I’m Sorry” is a sentence (not a disclaimer). When you begin a sentence with, ‘I’m sorry, but’ — it’s a sign you may be apologizing without reason. Make sure you’re not using ‘I’m sorry’ as an opening to a question or before asking a favor of someone.
* Song to get you in the mood:
“I’m Not Sorry” by Celeste Buckingham. Eloquent, powerful and true. Don’t be sorry.
Related Links:
* Great Pantene commercial, “Not Sorry”
* Disturbing ‘I’m Sorry’ comedy sketch by Amy Schumer.
* New York Times Op-Ed article, Sloane Crosley
* “Why Over-Apologizing Could Make You Sorry”, The Muse,
“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
Sometimes life spins by so quickly that it’s hard to keep up. Over the last few weeks I’ve felt this way, while in the midst of an exciting transition that has consumed most of my energy, time and focus. Some days it’s as though three blinks later, morning has fallen into night. And with this sense of living in fast-forward, I’ve managed to miss a work deadline — which almost never happens. As a self-driven and highly motivated person, I pride myself on finding solutions and working well under pressure; and on this rare occasion of running late, I was surprised to notice that my first reaction was to be really hard on myself. Instead of giving myself a pass and acknowledging that this has been a ridiculously hectic time (which I would have naturally done for someone else), my first reaction completely lacked self-compassion.
A day or two later I received an insightful email from a friend in New York (who happens to be a meditation expert). Maybe it was her choice of words or that I received her message at the perfect moment; but for whatever reason, I was able to easily take her advice and make a conscious decision to give myself a break and basically just chill out. Almost immediately, I felt a positive shift take place. (I realize this sounds a bit crazy but it’s true.) The moment I exercised self-compassion and accepted the situation, I felt less stressed, happier and more self-assured. It was as though there was a little switch in my brain that I thought was on but had been accidentally mis-set to off. Over the last week I’ve also noticed a more effortless flow taking place in my personal and professional life.
This minor yet impactful experience prompted me to reflect on the importance of self-compassion and what we can do to avoid neglecting it. Because as basic and straightforward as it ought to be, self-compassion is a challenge for many of us and especially when we’re under stress (which is of course when we need it most). As author and Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson shares, “Most of us believe that we need to be hard on ourselves to perform at our best, but it turns out that’s 100 percent wrong. A dose of self-compassion when things are at their most difficult can reduce your stress and improve your performance, by making it easier to learn from your mistakes.”
After browsing through many experts’ strategies on developing self-compassion, I’ve come across a few that are worth sharing, like “comfort your body, write a letter to yourself, give yourself encouragement and practice mindfulness.” Practicing mindfulness seems to be the most essential factor because the more mindful and self-aware we are the more quickly we’re able to recognize our moments of weakness and shift our behavior. In order to be our happiest and most successful we absolutely must embrace who we are and where we are with a deep sense of kindness and connectedness. Sometimes we just need to nudge ourselves back on track.
* Song For This Moment: “Whole Heart” by Griffin & Bipolar Sunshine.
Related Articles:
“4 Ways To Boost Your Self-Compassion”, article in Harvard Health.
Sources & Related Links:
“What Does It Mean To Love Yourself”, article by Dr. Margaret Paul for Project Happiness: http://goo.gl/ZIf4TO
“Refreshingly Honest Celebrity Body Confessions”, article in Shape UK: http://goo.gl/MjXKYE
¨Thirty Ways To Learn To Love Yourself And Be Happy With The World”, article in Elite Daily: http://goo.gl/NLxU6c
This week we’re thrilled to feature outstanding entrepreneur, fashionista and humanitarian Jia Wertz. As she is founder of Studio 15, an online marketplace for trendy and affordable women’s apparel, one might suppose our interview would begin with a description of how Jia became interested in fashion and what prompted her company’s launch; instead, after a quick hello, Jia dives right into the good stuff and shares a personal gem about her passion and purpose.
“Fashion isn’t really what feeds my soul. But turning a hobby into a job has been amazing.” This isn’t too surprising, considering her company’s manifesto reads, “We believe that everything should be done with a higher, more meaningful purpose – including fashion – and that everything counts, big or small.” Reflecting this tenet, Studio 15 donates 5% of all online proceeds to Kleos Microfinance Group, an organization providing economic assistance to those in developing countries. More specifically, Jia points out, “all donations go directly to women and support them in launching their own businesses.” Throughout our conversation it becomes increasingly clear that a desire to help those in need is an integral thread throughout Jia’s personal and professional life.
An Introduction to Fashion. “I’ve always been petite and, as a teenager most of my clothes didn’t fit properly. My mother would adjust pieces for me and eventually taught me how to sew. And I loved it.” Several years later, Jia began her first full-time job as manager of a boutique in Calgary. “At the time, I was 18 years old and fresh out of high school. The boutique carried 100 different brands and I thought I was in the best place in the world (smile). The two boutique owners noticed that I was increasing their sales (most customers were around my age) and gave me a lot of responsibility. I’m very lucky to have had the best teachers and role models at an early age.”
A Career is Born. Soon after, Jia moved to Toronto where she received a degree in Fashion Merchandising and Management; and over the next decade, she developed a reputation for excellence through her work at the corporate offices of powerhouse women’s retail companies Aldo and Bebe. The majority of her career has been spent in San Francisco, where she worked as Senior Manager of Communications, Sales Development and Operations for Bebe – until a defining moment several years ago inspired Jia to make a major career shift and move to New York.
Taking Power Into Her Own Hands. Since managing a boutique in Calgary at 18, Jia has known she would like to “launch something” some day. At the time, the industry was vastly different (online shopping was pretty nonexistent) and her business would have required a completely different setup; however, the seed had been planted. Years later, a personal realization at work prompted Jia decided to step away from her corporate career and to begin building a business that unites her experience in the fashion industry with her desire to create positive impact. Jia had proposed to her employer that over the winter holidays the company donate the proceeds of an internal project to a nonprofit. “They were making a lot of money and this would not have meant a loss for business, as this was all internal — but the moment I proposed something that would benefit others, I received a cold response. This didn’t sit well with me and was a signal. Soon after, I quit – cold turkey. No job, no nothing.”
An Awakening Trip to Uganda. Although Jia had always been interested in volunteer work, her hectic work schedule had largely prevented her; so when she left her job and suddenly had time, she jumped at the opportunity to volunteer. Her brother is actually co-founder and Executive Director of a non-profit organization that does work in Uganda, and Jia eagerly signed up to volunteer there for one month (sweetly adding that this would also allow her to check up on her little brother – to see where he’d been staying and to ensure his safety). Witnessing the living conditions of many Ugandan women, who are single parents raising children without enough basic necessities like water and shoes, reconnected Jia with her mission to assist those in need. Jia aims to continually develop her impact in this area in the upcoming years.
Baby Steps + Beta Test + Launching Studio 15. Recalling what it was like to leave her corporate job without a back-up plan, Jia asked herself: “How can I take what I’m good at and use it to also help others?” Combining her expertise in the fashion industry with her desire to give, Studio 15 was born. “I would have loved to have had a physical store, but I saw the market was shifting to online, so this made a lot more sense business-wise.” Jia worked on the website with a freelance designer and tested it in beta for 1 year prior to Studio 15’s official launch.
New York. Just Because (It’s New York). Although on a personal note, I must admit that Jia’s vibe pretty much exudes ‘New York artist and entrepreneur’ (she happens to also be a gifted photographer), Jia has spent her pre-Studio 15 career elsewhere. A native of Alberta, Canada, Jia has lived and worked in Toronto, Houston and San Francisco, before moving to New York two and a half years ago. “New York has always been my favorite city in the world. When I was 12, I said I was going to move to New York – I don’t even know why. (smile) And now, here I am.”
Passionate Leader + Activist + Adnan Syed. Some of you may be familiar with the name Adnan Syed (or the podcast Serial), who was wrongly convicted for the murder of his girlfriend in 1999 and currently remains in prison. The story has been breaking headlines this summer since Syed’s petition for a re-trial was granted in July, thanks in great part to increased public awareness. (How does this relate to Jia, you’re asking?) After listening to the Serial podcast (long before the story was receiving much media attention), Jia decided she needed to do something to help Adnan’s family. “The fact that an innocent teenager lost 17 years of his life and is sitting in jail because of a faulty system bothers me so much.” Soon after, she co-organized and launched a concert fundraiser in New York to help raise money for the Syed family and to increase public awareness. The event was a tremendous success – so much so in fact, that Jia was later put in contact with Adnan’s close family friend, Rabia Chaudry, who has been extremely active in the fight for his release. Jia Wertz’s courage, initiative, resilience and sincere need to do good in the world is truly inspiring. May we each tap into this part of ourselves, and work to be more active in initiating positive change while remaining true to ourselves.
* Song For This Moment: “Shine” by Lolo.